I think that sometimes, being vulnerable takes a certain type of energy. I’ll be honest, I have not been feeling that energy over the past few weeks. I have had “write blog post” on my to-do list and have not been able to bring myself to do it. (Let’s be clear, I’m not talking about writer’s block. I could write to a wall.) I believe there are a few reasons for this hesitation to write and post:
1-I am very responsive to how people feel or what people think. Any sort of negative feedback stops me in my tracks. Two of my biggest desires and driving factors are to make people proud and to be as inconvenient as possible. While the positive response to my blog has been overwhelming (thank you!!), there was a teeny tiny itsy bitsy bit of…not even negative response…more of a questioning response. This discouraged me a bit and has caused me to question whether or not I should continue. I would like to try to push past this, but like I mentioned earlier, being vulnerable takes a certain type of energy, and that energy leaves me when I feel like I’m letting someone down or being an inconvenience.
2-My fiancé and I have started Whole30. Oh yes, Whole-load-of-stupid. We have had to cut out ALL sugars, alcohol, grains, legumes, dairy, and everything else that is good in this world. While I have lost two pounds after only ten days (not working out either!! no cardio!!), I have also argued with my fiancé almost every day as well. The most shocking part-he has argued back!! You know things are stressful when he argues back (those who know him are currently nodding and making sounds of agreement). While we still enjoy each other’s face, arguing takes energy out of me that I have not been able to put back just quite yet. Lack of energy=lack of desire to do anything unnecessary.
Blog=unnecessary. Cleaning=unnecessary. Finishing my brain book=unnecessary.
Eating=necessary. Cuddles with Koko & Chloe=necessary. Will & Grace=necessary.
3-I have been busy planning wedding stuff. Do I need to explain this further?
As I have been thinking about this energy of vulnerability, or lack thereof, I have tried to discover ways to encourage it to come back. I’ve tried to figure out how to re-adopt it into my daily mental-state. Here is what I came up with.
1-Write anyway. Be vulnerable anyway.
Yep, that’s it. Nothing profound, nothing worth writing a self-help book over. But I think it is important. Sometimes in life it’s easy to go into your shell and convince yourself that your contribution won’t be missed. Contribute anyway. Sometimes it’s easy to not show up because you think you don’t make a difference. Show up anyway. Sometimes you don’t say what you actually think or feel because you’re afraid of the impact it might have. Impact anyway. At the end of the day, you’re contributing, you’re showing up, and you’re impacting. Maybe you are doing this for a lot of people, maybe you’re just doing it for yourself. Both are equally as important, and both set the stage for you to do the same thing again tomorrow.
Today I’m writing anyway & being vulnerable anyway. I’m pretty sure this post is being written by me, just for me.
But tomorrow, maybe I’ll have one for you guys.
If you’re looking for a way to contribute, show up, and impact, but you don’t want to leave the comfort of your home, please consider sending a donation to Mopaja. I’ll let you read about it via the link below. If you send a donation, whether $5 or $50, please let me know and I will send you a thank you card with a picture of Koko & Chloe (worth it, in my humble opinion). And a friendly reminder, donating “only” $5 is still contributing, showing up, and impacting.